"Things that were hard to bear are sweet to remember."
~
Seneca
The frivolous overuse of terms like 'get over' and 'move on' these days spurs a thought in my mind. Is there really something like getting over things, or moving on? Can you really 'get over' your past and 'move on'? It is easier said than done. No wonder every Tom, Dick and Harry, in fact, only preaches this and doesn't practice.
Wise folks have advised their antecedents not to dwell in their past. To do and forget. To forget and move on. We are told to forget the bad times and cherish the good ones. Let go of the bad memories, and revel in the happy ones. But can you really sort your memories and experiences in order to remember them selectively? A human brain cannot do that, and maybe to make up for that shortcoming we made computers, where we can manage the 'memory' as we please. Humans, by nature, tend to associate significant events, occasions and people in their lives with certain physical cues. The moment passes away but the paraphernalia remains. Every time you pass a certain lane or visit a certain place or make a passing reference to something, memories - good or bad - rebound.
Your past was once your present. It is something that was a part of you, and something that will continue to be a part of you. Always. No matter how much you loathe it, hate it, detest it or even try to forget it; the fact is that the past continues to remain as long as you do. Be it a lost opportunity, loss of a loved one or a heartbreak - we just cannot get over it. Time is a great healer, agreed. It may heal the wound, but the scar will remain. The memory of that wound will linger.
Just as the good times stay with us subconsciously, so do the bad ones. You may, perhaps, try to avoid recalling the unpleasant episodes of your past; but in the process of avoiding, haven't you thought about it already? The long and short of it is that your past never leaves you. It lives with you. Like it or not, it keeps coming back and there is very little you can do about it.
What is in your domain of control, however, is the extent to which your past affects you. Rather, the extent to which you let your past affect you. How wise is it, anyway, to ponder over your past? Be it a happy memory that brings a smile to your face everytime you think of it, or a sad reminiscent that churns up a buried pain within. Neither gloating over something great that happened nor mourning over a mishap is worthwhile, if done excessively. You thrive in the past by forgoing your present and ignoring the impending future. Relishing a past glory or crying over spilled milk for a more than proportionate period of time proves detrimental to your personal growth. Thoughts do not knock before entering your mind. They just float in. However, it is your stance that matters when it comes to handling them.
Given that a memory lives forever, you mustn't, however, halt to accommodate it in your routine. That will be a clash of your heart with your mind. But take it as it comes. Let it catch pace with you if it can or else let it disappear into oblivion. If it does catch pace, let your 'present' actions overpower it - if its a joyful memory, do something that makes you happier; if its a memory that hurts, again do something spectacular that obliviates your pain. Spare a moment for it only if its worthy of it. It will pester you for a while, and then leave your mind. Even if does saunter in your subconscious self, don't let it hold you back from doing what you must right now. Don't let it become a hurdle in your path to your goals. At the same time, don't run away from it. That won't help, because your memories reside in you and you cannot run away from yourself. Learn from your past, and act with prudence now. For it is this 'now' that will be your past in a while and the cycle goes on endlessly.
~
